Reality vs your dreams. It's so different until you can't see the difference between the two.
The overwhelming tasks or news leads you to work on extra hours and leads to burnout. I thought that the feeling wasn't real. And I was so wrong. I felt helpless and hopeless till now. So many books, articles, youtube i read and listen to could not help me breathing on the surface. Suffocating and many layering of emotions blanket your mind and sometimes it drives you nuts.
People won't notice your hard work they only pointing out your weakness until you doubting your skills and brains. Almost 3 weeks i feel weird about myself. Self-doubt follows your ways. Masking your face and no one knows the real you. Wearing a fake smile and you always say "i'm OKAY" even deep inside you telling the opposite. Competition is no joke and i feel want to surrender. I don't want to lead, i don't want to teach, i just want to do my job without interruption but your head may ask you for your wall that you are built around yourself to prevent you from getting hurt.
To be honest i don't care what goes on inside the job or the office that i see it like a lego that you can crush with a hammer. No progression and you are just a normal worker without a brain. No one cares and you should care about yourself first.
That hatred and so co-emotions tanging up inside you and you can't go anywhere. It jailed you and you are currently seeking help. Your voice echoes. The repetition makes you sick and you decide to leave "them" one day.
-Roha Okane
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