Searching

The collapsed mind jailed you, 
Your head really want to head out, 
Your fingers layering into your heart, 
Crawling for answers in this world, 
Nothing holding you,
Being free without the leash,
I could not contain the jar,
It might slip out from my hands,
Does not matter at all, 
You just want to be free, 
Free from debts, guilt, and feeling burden, 
Nothing you can control now, 
Your feeling... Your souls... IM STILL searching.

OFFICE part 1

Reality vs your dreams. It's so different until you can't see the difference between the two. 

The overwhelming tasks or news leads you to work on extra hours and leads to burnout. I thought that the feeling wasn't real. And I was so wrong. I felt helpless and hopeless till now. So many books, articles, youtube i read and listen to could not help me breathing on the surface. Suffocating and many layering of emotions blanket your mind and sometimes it drives you nuts. 

People won't notice your hard work they only pointing out your weakness until you doubting your skills and brains. Almost 3 weeks i feel weird about myself. Self-doubt follows your ways. Masking your face and no one knows the real you. Wearing a fake smile and you always say "i'm OKAY" even deep inside you telling the opposite. Competition is no joke and i feel want to surrender. I don't want to lead, i don't want to teach, i just want to do my job without interruption but your head may ask you for your wall that you are built around yourself to prevent you from getting hurt.

To be honest i don't care what goes on inside the job or the office that i see it like a lego that you can crush with a hammer. No progression and you are just a normal worker without a brain. No one cares and you should care about yourself first. 

That hatred and so co-emotions tanging up inside you and you can't go anywhere. It jailed you and you are currently seeking help. Your voice echoes. The repetition makes you sick and you decide to leave "them" one day.

-Roha Okane

 

SABTU

Sabtu, 

Waktu makin suntuk

Nafas makin laju

Degupan makin kencang

Kau makin jauh dari Tuhan sedikit demi sedikit

Alpa dan lalai

Utamanya pada dunia

Yang bikin kepala pusing

Kad dileret hari-hari

Umpama tiada penghujung

Lajur makin panjang

Dan kau mula garu kepala

Hilang tali untuk mengawal diri dan juga hidup 

Makin hilang rasa sensasi

Makin hilang rasa seronok

Apa erti semua?

Duit umpama tiada makna

Keseronokan hidup makin menghilang

Kini kau telah sibuk

Dan kau menangisi waktu lapang yang dahulu

Hamba pada kerja

Buat kau lemas

Tengelam dalam lumpur

Tangan melambai mohon bantuan

Tiada siapa yang lihat

Keserabutan melingkar

Kau mahu keluar segera

Tapi kaki diikat dengan liabiliti yang tidak bernoktah

Sisa apa yang masih tinggal?

Kau tidak mengerti

Kitaran berulang 24 jam, 7 hari, lagi dan lagi

Mencari keseimbangan

-Roha Okane